It happened.

My life calling. My dream. The number one item on my one item bucket list.

The ghost of 20 year old me spun in her office chair and roared a fitting roar – for the day had finally come.

If ever there were a more perfect candidate for this plea, it would be me surely? I am all the stereotypes mashed up together. I have the long hair. I look decidedly Nordic. I am a ‘Vikingly’ 6 feet tall and, last time I looked, definitely a female. Furthermore, since my enormous girl-crush on Lucy Lawless in the nineties, I had a feeling that one day I’d make an excellent She Warrior on the big screen just like her. I just had to bide my time.

Step aside Princess Xena, I thought to myself with fire in my belly. Make way for the Empress (age, I feel, rendered this title appropriate). She shall wear (fake) furs and brandish her sword whilst back-flipping (or walking, walking will do) through ancient villages of wood and wattle, acting up a storm and gaining a rabid fan base who will dedicate whole Cosplay costumes to her. She will be a hero…not one of them dastardly Vikings – a good one, an honourable one, who definitely doesn’t pillage and stuff – and  I lived the dream of 1990s me for a whole three seconds.

Then I read the rest of it.

***LONG HAIRED FEMALES WANTED ***
Hi folks! Looking for long haired females for scenes coming very shortly.
The main requirements are:
HAIR MUST REACH TO MID BACK LENGTH AT THE MINIMUM.
HEIGHT 5 foot 5 to 5 foot 9 inches.
DRESS SIZE 8 to 10.

It may as well have said. ‘Definitely not you though Cora – there’s not enough fake fur in the world to cover that arse.’

So, that’s that then.